News 1
News Date: Wednesday, April 1, 2026
In an attempt to “boost morale and make people slightly less miserable,” the Riverton City Council passed a new initiative declaring Mondays officially optional. Within 24 hours, the entire town descended into complete, well‑rested anarchy.
City Hall was empty. Schools were deserted. Even the squirrels outside the courthouse reportedly took the day off.
Mayor Linda Harper admitted the plan “may have worked a little too well.”
“We thought people might use the extra time for errands or community service,” Harper said, addressing an audience of exactly one confused reporter. “Instead, everyone simultaneously vanished.”
Local teacher Mark Dillon said he fully supports Optional Mondays. “I woke up, saw the email, and immediately went back to sleep,” said Dillon, who claimed to have awakened 14 hours later with no regrets. “Best decision this town has ever made.”
Small businesses, however, struggled to adapt.
Donny’s Donuts posted a sign that read: ‘Closed because it’s Monday, and honestly, we’re tired too.’
Meanwhile, the local gym remained open but reported zero attendance — a record achievement.
“Not a single person came in,” said gym owner Terri Foster. “People avoided exercise with more enthusiasm than our New Year’s Resolution crowd.”
Public transportation also experienced unusual behavior. The city bus company reported that not only were there no riders, but several drivers also chose to stay home, leaving buses parked neatly in a formation spelling out the word “NOPE.”
City Hall was empty. Schools were deserted. Even the squirrels outside the courthouse reportedly took the day off.
Mayor Linda Harper admitted the plan “may have worked a little too well.”
“We thought people might use the extra time for errands or community service,” Harper said, addressing an audience of exactly one confused reporter. “Instead, everyone simultaneously vanished.”
Local teacher Mark Dillon said he fully supports Optional Mondays. “I woke up, saw the email, and immediately went back to sleep,” said Dillon, who claimed to have awakened 14 hours later with no regrets. “Best decision this town has ever made.”
Small businesses, however, struggled to adapt.
Donny’s Donuts posted a sign that read: ‘Closed because it’s Monday, and honestly, we’re tired too.’
Meanwhile, the local gym remained open but reported zero attendance — a record achievement.
“Not a single person came in,” said gym owner Terri Foster. “People avoided exercise with more enthusiasm than our New Year’s Resolution crowd.”
Public transportation also experienced unusual behavior. The city bus company reported that not only were there no riders, but several drivers also chose to stay home, leaving buses parked neatly in a formation spelling out the word “NOPE.”